finally gave in

i finally gave in. started a blog. i will say this once, and only once. i hate capital letters. i use them sparingly. there. i said it.
i honestly don't expect anyone to read these. i don't think i will even tell anyone i'm doing this. maybe odessa, but just her. i'm just going to write. i have so many random thoughts all day long, this will give me a chance to put them somewhere, besides my head.
yesterday i watched the news for hours, my heart breaking for the injured and the lives lost in fort hood. for some reason, when something bad happens, or when something good happens, no matter where it is or who it happens to... i feel it. not just "aw, that sucks"... my heart beat quickens, i fight tears, i worry about the families, i worry about the victims... and i pray for them. so yes, yesterday was a tough day. i'm not saying this as "i'm such an awesome person".. i'm saying this to lead to the next paragraph.
i believe in spiritual gifts. some teachers, some preachers, etc, etc.. i've always been confused as to what my gift is. i've been told before that i am a "prayer warrior".. i tend to forget that, to wonder what am i here for, until something happens to remind me of this. is this even a gift? am i making a difference? i guess it depends on your religious (i hate using that term) views. can prayer make a difference? i believe it can. i think, even if you don't believe in.. prayer.. if you are one of those karma/positive thoughts people... then it would work that way, too. the term blogging should be changed to rambling. because that's what it is. that was a tangent. it happens sometimes when i'm not paying attention.
here's the thought that i've been going back and forth with since last night. it seems that "the church" (term used loosely) likes to pick a bible verse and build a religion around it. instead of taking the bible as a whole. from start to finish. and they focus on the things that really don't matter. they find a verse, decide that it must mean "this" then set it in stone. what if it didn't mean "this"? what if it meant "that"? how long will the church be wrong about something they persecute and die for? how many people have they mislead in these teachings? i don't know.. i'm just sayin....