i always wonder, why do we wait til january 1 to try to make a fresh start? shouldn't each day be that way? oh well.. i'm gonna jump on the resolution train and see how far it goes.
-i want to be a happier person. i'm so negative all the time, i've taught myself (from experience) to expect the worst from everyone... i need to learn to 'brush it off'
-i want to be a better mom. i've learned NOT to pray for patience.. not gonna go there again... but, i do want to be... lighter. does that make sense?
-i want to learn to speak spanish this year. i know, right??
-of course, old faithful, lose 15 pounds...
-i want to start reading my Bible on a regular basis.. to listen more for God's whisper.. find a church... that's bible based...
-i want to read more non-fiction, and actually learn something..
-i've been praying for spiritual and scriptural discernment. that would be neat...
-better wife, all-around... speaks for itself...
-i want to LIVE my life... not just get watch it go by...
-last, but not least... i'm banning myself from ordering online.. too much... well, every once in a while is ok...
just sayin...
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
it just didn't fit
so. i've always been the jeans, tank tops, and flip flop kinda gal. it takes me less than 30 minutes to shower, put on some eye makeup and lip gloss, and comb out my hair... i snort when i laugh.. i'm not graceful at all... i talk too loud when i'm excited... i laugh too loud at stupid things... ok.. you get the picture.
so one day, after seeing some of my friends and watching some hip chicks on tv, i decided to give girly girl a try. i got big hoopie earings... sassy skirts... hot mama shirts... chunky purses... hooker heels... actually "fixed" my hair... a crapload of makeup... but it just didn't fit. i really did want it to.. it looked so cool on everyone else... but it wasn't me.
so i exchanged the big earrings for my usual small hoops... switched back to my black canvas cross body purse.. jeans.. flip flops or skater shoes... let my hair decide what to do on its on.. and it. felt. good.
i still run into those girly girl types... i feel so out of place.. and think, i'm so boring.. so blah! but then... i remember.. it just didn't fit.
so one day, after seeing some of my friends and watching some hip chicks on tv, i decided to give girly girl a try. i got big hoopie earings... sassy skirts... hot mama shirts... chunky purses... hooker heels... actually "fixed" my hair... a crapload of makeup... but it just didn't fit. i really did want it to.. it looked so cool on everyone else... but it wasn't me.
so i exchanged the big earrings for my usual small hoops... switched back to my black canvas cross body purse.. jeans.. flip flops or skater shoes... let my hair decide what to do on its on.. and it. felt. good.
i still run into those girly girl types... i feel so out of place.. and think, i'm so boring.. so blah! but then... i remember.. it just didn't fit.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Priestess J-Lo
i've decided to put "priestess" in front of my name. i mean, if a pastor can call himself "bishop", then why not??
where did we get slain in the spirit from?
why are bibles so expensive?
why do we believe we won't be here for the end time tribulations?
if the great white throne judgement is for nonbelievers only, why does it end saying "and those names not found written in the book of life will be cast into hell"?
why "once saved, always saved"?
if our ticket into heaven is through believing in Christ, then why doesn't the church believe that a homosexual who believes in Jesus will go to heaven?
were the jews right about paradise/hades?
these are just some of the thoughts in my head.
where did we get slain in the spirit from?
why are bibles so expensive?
why do we believe we won't be here for the end time tribulations?
if the great white throne judgement is for nonbelievers only, why does it end saying "and those names not found written in the book of life will be cast into hell"?
why "once saved, always saved"?
if our ticket into heaven is through believing in Christ, then why doesn't the church believe that a homosexual who believes in Jesus will go to heaven?
were the jews right about paradise/hades?
these are just some of the thoughts in my head.
Monday, December 14, 2009
good will hunting
no, this isn't a movie review. i had "and on earth, peace, good will toward men" and my brain did what it always does. it drifted.
so, in the true christian home, we are focused on Baby Jesus around this time of year. i like to think about the few weeks prior to the manger scene.. i'm gonna go allllll the way back to when mary was chillaxin, probably busy writing notes to Joseph "do you want to be my boyfriend? check the box: yes no maybe so". probably daydreaming about her crush, and this bright glowy figure shows up and says "hey girl! whooa, don't freak out! i got some good news for you. IT'S A BOY!!!"
holy cow.. i remember when i was younger and i thought kissing a boy would knock me up. poor mary! but i really love her response. "she pondered this in her heart". i'm sure she kinda freaked out. she walked to her cousins house, who was also miraculously pregnant... i'm picturing the scene. mary was young and pregnant, and Elizabeth was ooooold and pregnant. they probably compared notes, neither really knowing what giving birth was gonna be like.
then, that stinking decree making them go back to their birthhome. imagine being "great with child", riding a donkey from one city to another. i remember being 9 months pregnant, and every bump on the road was painful. i can't imagine a donkey ride that far along!!
joseph was probably doing some pondering, too. i'm sure some of the people around them were talking about the pregnancy. making comments under their breath about joseph not being the "father". it had to be tough for them.
so they go from "inn to inn" looking for a place. rejection from all of those people. yep, kinda fitting... to reject baby Jesus, and later all those people rejected Him again.
its just a thought...
so, in the true christian home, we are focused on Baby Jesus around this time of year. i like to think about the few weeks prior to the manger scene.. i'm gonna go allllll the way back to when mary was chillaxin, probably busy writing notes to Joseph "do you want to be my boyfriend? check the box: yes no maybe so". probably daydreaming about her crush, and this bright glowy figure shows up and says "hey girl! whooa, don't freak out! i got some good news for you. IT'S A BOY!!!"
holy cow.. i remember when i was younger and i thought kissing a boy would knock me up. poor mary! but i really love her response. "she pondered this in her heart". i'm sure she kinda freaked out. she walked to her cousins house, who was also miraculously pregnant... i'm picturing the scene. mary was young and pregnant, and Elizabeth was ooooold and pregnant. they probably compared notes, neither really knowing what giving birth was gonna be like.
then, that stinking decree making them go back to their birthhome. imagine being "great with child", riding a donkey from one city to another. i remember being 9 months pregnant, and every bump on the road was painful. i can't imagine a donkey ride that far along!!
joseph was probably doing some pondering, too. i'm sure some of the people around them were talking about the pregnancy. making comments under their breath about joseph not being the "father". it had to be tough for them.
so they go from "inn to inn" looking for a place. rejection from all of those people. yep, kinda fitting... to reject baby Jesus, and later all those people rejected Him again.
its just a thought...
Saturday, December 12, 2009
ya down with o.c.d.? yeah you know me!
so i started noticing recently (and not so recently) all of my little "quirks". yeah, i got em. big surprise, yeah right.. it started when i went to the store to buy some candles for christmas. i grabbed one. and that didn't seem right. so i grabbed another candle. and it really, really bothered me. for some reason, i don't like the number 2. no joke. so i ended up buying 3. that made me start thinking back. i've ALWAYS avoided even numbers, as long as i could get away with it. 3's and 5's are good. 7 of course, is one of the best. when medicine calls for taking 2 pills... that sucks.
i'm a checker, too. but i've always known that one. i check locks. once doesn't cut it. and of course, 2 is out. so it takes 3 or 5 times for me to be ok. same with checking the stove. and that's why i stopped using an alarm clock. i would stand there FOREVER checking the alarm time i set it for. and yes, even when i'm comfy in bed... snuggled up.. warm, once the thought hits, even though i know, for example, that i locked the door, i can picture myself doing it.. i still have to get up and check it several times...
when i was driving my old car, (a standard) i started "tapping". i tapped the stick constantly to make sure it was in the right gear. i would drive myself nuts. luckily, i now drive an automatic. :) now, i just tap the auto lock button.
and last, but definitely not least... (this goes with being a "checker").. i will read this about 5 to 7 times to make sure it's ok. not even checking for spelling. i just have to read it over and over until i feel good enough to click "publish". i do that with text messages, emails, facebook comments... my status takes FOREVER to update. and don't get me started on math problems. i don't like to double check, i gotta triple check.
so there. a little insight into my brain. i'm sorry if it wasn't pleasant.
so, i'm gonna go scroll up and begin my "checking"... so i can finally, finally, click "post".
i'm a checker, too. but i've always known that one. i check locks. once doesn't cut it. and of course, 2 is out. so it takes 3 or 5 times for me to be ok. same with checking the stove. and that's why i stopped using an alarm clock. i would stand there FOREVER checking the alarm time i set it for. and yes, even when i'm comfy in bed... snuggled up.. warm, once the thought hits, even though i know, for example, that i locked the door, i can picture myself doing it.. i still have to get up and check it several times...
when i was driving my old car, (a standard) i started "tapping". i tapped the stick constantly to make sure it was in the right gear. i would drive myself nuts. luckily, i now drive an automatic. :) now, i just tap the auto lock button.
and last, but definitely not least... (this goes with being a "checker").. i will read this about 5 to 7 times to make sure it's ok. not even checking for spelling. i just have to read it over and over until i feel good enough to click "publish". i do that with text messages, emails, facebook comments... my status takes FOREVER to update. and don't get me started on math problems. i don't like to double check, i gotta triple check.
so there. a little insight into my brain. i'm sorry if it wasn't pleasant.
so, i'm gonna go scroll up and begin my "checking"... so i can finally, finally, click "post".
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